In the future we'll all be gay
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Randomize
