you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
