No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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