My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
