you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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