In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
