I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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