I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
