Life is so much better after having sex.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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