I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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