your room smells of hookers.
And success
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
