your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
