did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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