paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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