he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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