i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
