Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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