I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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