I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
