I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
