hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
