i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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