I think I am morally bankrupt
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
