If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
