What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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