we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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