Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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