i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
They have beer where we have blood.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
