I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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