just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
