I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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