Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
