also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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