i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
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he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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