how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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