i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
