Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Randomize
