i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
