I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
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If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
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I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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