I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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