We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
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So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
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You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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