Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
