Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
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They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
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Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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