i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
