Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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