Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
