Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Two words: blizzard sex
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
