There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
