If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
