Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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