Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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