it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
