I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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