like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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