Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
