So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
