can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
