Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
