I must be too annoying 4 u.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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