You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
