He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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