I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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