There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
