Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
