part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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