she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
