woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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