Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
