just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
