I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
