Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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