i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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