kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
