It's just like the Real World with babies
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
