You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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