I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
