I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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