hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Two words: nipple clamps
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