Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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