I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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