You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
