we're blogging at a bar
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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