So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
