she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
