16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
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