Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
