You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
there's paper in my vomit.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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