Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
