I think i peed on brittanys purse
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
zippers are such a cool invention
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
