Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
