Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
