spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
